Loving my Teenagers

No matter what is going on in my life. I make time for my teenagers. I no longer call them my babies or children. They are young adults. As long as I am prepared and getting ready for this journey into their future (I don't think I will ever be really ready) I will love them infinitely. Just as we go through different experiences, and are still learning from it all, our young adults will do the same.

What I am committed to doing for my young adults is to love them and support them throughout their lives. They know me though. I will have something to say if they go in the wrong direction, walk down the wrong path, follow some nipwits instead of leading themselves. Oh they will hear it! Why? Because I birthed, cared for, fed, clothed, supported, put up with, and loved them. I can and I will because I said so. 

Depending on my teenager again

Today I have so much end of the semester school work today. I started freaking out this morning because I worked on some school work after I got home from work but I took Tylenol allergy and sinus that put me on my neck. I really didn't think it would kick in that soon. I woke up this morning to my computer not on my bed but in the living room. I start to realize that I did not complete my class work for my English class. My test and my creative writing assignment. Creative writing was completed, all I had to do was copy and paste or browse my computer. What the! Low and behold, I can't cry over spilled milk. I don't want to leave this computer until all my schoolwork is completed and my teenagers understand.

My oldest daughter volunteered to take my other daughter to her job interview.  Thank God! I think the whole time I was there I would think about this blog and my tests and completing my Spanish ejercicios assignment, Voki 3 and examen 5. My short story for English is due Monday. Thank you Taje'! I'm sure when she comes back I'm going to owe her something. Laughing out loud!

Depending on my Teenager

My day today was like a Monday. I woke up late which in turn made me run late for work. Undoubtedly, I left my cellphone at home. I borrowed my coworker's phone to call my nineteen year old daughter. Now let me just say, she only has her  driving permit and doesn't have a car. What was the point of me calling her for help to get me my cellphone? I love my teenagers. It took me a long time to depend on them for anything. After all, they are teenagers! They are mouthy, not focused, inconsiderate, and selfish. But I love them. They are also communicative, independent and wonderful problem solvers.

The message I left on my daughter's phone was short and sporadic. The location of my job has a poor signal, no matter who your cellphone provider is. My daughter really didn't understand my message but when she tried to call my phone and realized it was in my room her problem solving skills kicked in. She called around to find a ride and she and my god daughter drove to my job (which is not around the corner). She talked to the guard at the gate, walked all the way to my location and brought me my phone. I was appreciative and thrilled. Now you may say heey, ok, whatever. I say Thank You! If you have or are in the vicinity of teenagers then you know most teenagers don't like to get up early in the day, are self absorbed and only like to do things for themselves. 

Even though I am grateful that my daughter brought me my cellphone. There was a catch to it. She walked away with my debit card claiming to need gas for my god daughter's car and the only reason she brought me the cellphone is so that she could randomly harass me throughout the day! Teenagers, gotta love em.

Fun

One thing that I have learned from being a parent is that even though you are the adult and have to teach manners, insist on respect, and let the teenagers know that when you are serious, you are serious: Having fun with your teenagers will make doing all of the above a walk in the park. I always incorporate fun in our daily lives. It is easy. From card games, board games, and karaoke, to learning to ride a ripstick. (or trying to learn at least)






From singing to rapping with the teenagers, it is a blast.  Of course I am the odd one that sings out of tune and dance off beat. No matter what though, fun is what we have.

Loving Your Teens

"Do not say harmful things. But say what people need—words that will help others become stronger." Ephesians 4:29

The most simplest way to love your teens is to treat your relationship with your teens like a bank account. If you withdraw love, you deposit it back in. If you keep withdrawing love from them, you will be mentally bankrupted. I always supported my three teens decisions, and gave them the power to choose. If it was the wrong choice or the right choice, it was in their power to chose it. It allow my teens to have a voice, and since I was new at this parenting thing, I only had fifteen years in  and I didn't let them know that I didn't know what I was doing. Sometimes I was wrong, and they challenged it, and if I was challenged upon my actions, I accepted it and apologized for it. Why? Because it built character! Yes, character. If the one person they knew could accept the responsibility and admit they are wrong, then my teens would do the same.

I always encouraged their dreams... rather it was football or ballet, I wanted them to know I supported them... but I never let them quit!!! No, no, no.! Just like a job in real life, I would not let them quit unless it had real justification. I used great meals and the dinner table to keep us together, a family that pray at the dinner table, break bread at the dinner table, find a way back home to the dinner table.

My teens made traditions for the holidays that they enjoyed. Sometimes we compromised on the holidays that I wanted to enjoy. I showed my teens how to have a charitable heart and give back to the community. Each summer they would choose a charity they wanted to support and they would have to volunteer and do something for them. On their birthdays, I would throw parties for them and give their guests presents. They didn't understand it at first, but it was ok when their friends thought they were the cool ones. Keep them humble and grounded. Let them know that the grass is greener on the other side, and the water bills are higher too. "Be the change you want this world to be" -Ghandi.

Be your teens positive influence. Teens almost always watch and learn from their parents. When my teens started driving, I left labels in their cars such as "Bunny put your keys in your purse before you get out of car and lock doors. Kaos, don't leave weed seeds in the ashtray I don't want you to lose your drivers license and go to jail. Do not drive on anything less than an half of tank if we have to evacuate the city we need gas. Do not speed in this car or you will start making your own $1200 a month car insurance payments by yourself." Most importantly, you can't pick and choose your teens, and they can't pick and choose their parents... but I always tell them how bless I am to have such a wonderful dysfunctional family.

They are my world and they know it. By the way... I was told several times that I was the coolest Mom ever... super brownie points for me, yay!!!

My Teens All Grown Up (21 Arisha, 24 Aris, 25 Airyck)

Teamwork

Even though I am the matriarch of my household there are times when I just can't do it all. I work full time, parent full time, attend school full time, and live life full time. I am a very organized person and just seeing one thing out of place, unbuttoned, unevenly folded, or not closed all the way will through me into an abyss of insanity.

Taking three summer classes and maintaining good grades is putting a strain on my household chores. (My bedroom is so cluttered I can hardly take it anymore) But, I don't plan on lifting a finger until June 22nd. Well my oldest daughter decided to wash my clothes, my middle daughter swept and mopped and my son keeps the sink clear of dishes. Mind you none of these are their regular chores.

Do you know how many times we have had conversations about "initiative"? My oh My! Teamwork will make a dream work.

Repetition

Today, when I arrived home from work, my teenagers were watching Batman The Dark Knight Rises. My children started watching these Batman movies Friday evening. I wonder why they are still watching them. I asked my oldest daughter "'No why are y'all watching all of these Batman movies?" "Why does there have to be a reason?" she asked. Then my son responded, "Because we love Batman." I am not going to complain. The whole weekend, every time I returned home it was clean, no crooked furniture or rugs, no dishes in the sink. But most importantly, no arguing, bickering, nor yelling. Thank heavens. If watching Batman movies over and over and over give these type of results. So be it. Batman for Life!

Joy

Today  was my cousin JaVon's graduation from high school. It was wonderful. I really enjoyed myself. I hung out with my children and my children's teenage friends. What a splash. These teenagers today! Whew. The laughing and giggling girls. The boys posing with mean mugs and straight faces for their pictures.  I am proud to be the mother, aunt, cousin and Mrs. Jan of so many teenage children in my life. (at one time) I think I will miss these times. I do remember a time when I thought I might have to slam, slap, or sling a teenager. But I never did and thank God I never will have to. There will always be trying times and no relationship is perfect, but right now I am just enjoying the teenagers. I love it. I was so excited that I made my son and niece (both teenagers) a crab boil with crab legs, shrimp, corn, and potatoes.  If you know me, you know I do not like to cook but anything to extend such a joyous day!

Introducing my guest blogger Kora Sadler

Today my family came down from Ohio to celebrate my cousin JaVon's graduation from high school. JaVon is 18 years old and he is one of the teenager's that is very important to me in my life besides my own four children. My cousin Kora is just like me. Watching children enjoy life, learn from their mistakes and grow is very important to her. After all, our children are the future. My cousin Kora's advice on how to love your teenage child is this, "Just throw them in a bowl of glitter and let them shine!" I love my cousin. I would like to introduce you to my cousin Kora. She is my guest blogger. Look out for her post coming soon.

   

Commitment

I am committed to my teenagers.  We moved to Charlotte, North Carolina September of 2003. The elementary school years were wonderful.  My children went to Winding Springs Elementary. The middle schools were ok. Once my kids were in high school, I did not like the school system for various reasons; too many to list. Nevertheless, I took my kids out of the public school system and enrolled them in a distance learning school. I am committed to providing an education that may be different but it will be successful. Along with my commitment to their education they have to commit to their education and their own success as well.

Keeping it Real

As you all know, I am a parent of teenagers. It is my duty as the person who is here to protect and provide for them to have the right to speak to them the way I see fit. The way I do that is by keeping it real with them. I tell my teenagers to say no to sex, say no to drugs, say no to boys and say no to girls! None of the above is good for you at this time in your lives. Think before you act or react. Watch your surroundings. You don't have friends all you have is family.


Some people may not agree how I speak to my teenagers... But I just keep it real!

Trust

My 19 year old daughter and 15 year old son are in a distance learning program. They attend school from home. Their high school years are totally different than the average child that is communicating to a school by bus or by parent. I have to trust my children when I ask them to do their house work as well as their schoolwork.

I have to trust my teenagers to not touch my air conditioning or heat (thermostat). I have to trust my teenagers not to have people in my house and not to eat all the food. I have to trust that my teenagers are spending time actually doing schoolwork and not sleeping, playing video games, running the streets, or surfing the web.


So far so good!

The environment

Sometimes I forget that the world my children live in is not only them and me. There are other people and opportunities that exist for my children to learn from.  Children gain knowledge, information, attitudes, and actions from anyone they meet or see. That brings me to my next point. I am not my teenagers only teacher. No matter how much I wish I was their only teacher. My teenagers seem to follow everyone else's lead except mine.

I clean, I clean again, and I clean some more.
I work consistently. Usually more than one job.
I use patience, kind words, and gentle touches.


My teenagers are at the age where they should be able to use initiative and make good choices. I model those things all the time.  Then here we go, my oldest asks for the remote control with attitude and harsh tones, no please. My youngest son can't talk to his 19 year old sister without touching her some type of way, no matter how many times she yells "don't touch me!"

Patience

June 7, 2015
Today was a day of rest and a day full schoolwork. Yesterday was a hectic day for me. My oldest daughter, 20 years old, thought it was okay to harass me about using my car. All day long she asked the exact same question as if she didn't hear the answer the first 10 times.  I stayed patient with my answer and stern with my decision. No matter how many times she asked me the answer was still no.

I did tell her that if she was asking to use my car to go to work that I wouldn't have a problem with allowing her to use it. Hanging out with friends in my car is not the purpose of my car. When she gets another car for herself she can do whatever she wants with it. I had no choice but to remain patient and calm with her overbearing nagging and "you owe me" attitude. I have to pick my battles and right now the battle is with three summer courses that I am taking.

When my daughter graduated from high school, I bought her a car of her own. It was a used car but it was a good running car. I figured after a year of solid employment and a few semesters of college she could have traded it in for an inexpensive upgrade. But, the girl went and traded it in for a car she couldn't afford after owning the used car approximately two weeks. Mind you, she didn't have a job, she couldn't afford the car payments nor the car insurance premium that had risen.

Patience is a word that any parent with a teenager will have to learn.

Parents
Allowing
Their
Individual
Egotistical
Naive
Children 2 make choices for
Eternity

Your Child's First Teacher

I know that sometimes loving your teenager may not be the easiest thing to do. When you look at them remember you taught them to:

• think for themselves
• choose what they wanted to wear, eat, or drink
• speak up and use their words
• turn the other cheek
• keep their hands to themselves
• say please, thank you, and excuse me
• hug and not hit
• look at you when speaking
• look for cars before crossing the street
• not to talk back to adults
• respect their elders

Understanding

As I go throughout the day and listen to my teenage daughter and son go back and forth, I realize they

have grown to be two completely different people. They have their own interests, likes and dislikes. I think that perhaps i may be the culprit for some of the bickering, arguing, and yelling that goes on with them. I pretty much treat them the same and try to spend time with them both just always the three of us together. I need to give them their own time to spend with me separately, after all they are individuals.


The following lists is what helps me view my children and try to understand them as individuals:

Try to focus on my teenager's individual interests
Adjust my parenting style for each teenager because not all teenagers are the same
Remember I was once a teenager. I wanted my parents to understand me, my individuality, my likes and dislikes.

Communication

Communicating with some teenagers is almost like communicating with a toddler.

• children at any age understand what you are saying even though they don't respond the way you want them to
• speak slowly and clearly to your teenager -- keep it simple and straight to the point
• encourage your teenager to respond or join in the conversation
• wait patiently for a response
• children are sometimes preoccupied and may throw talking to you to the bottom of the list
• continue to communicate with your teenager they will come back around

I say this because I am teaching my 19 year old daughter to drive. She has a learning permit, (temporary license)  and I constantly have to explain to her why the answer is no whenever she asks to drive my car on her own as if she has a driver's license.

Communication is the key!

Respect

Do you remember how your child grew right before your eyes. In just one year your child learned billions of things.

• Possibly by three months your child was looking at you and staring you in your face, learned to suck with ease, smiled when you smiled or spoke, and was able to lift his/her head off the floor or mattress when laid on his/her belly. 
• By six months your child was possibly rolling over from back to belly, holding his/her own head steadily, reaching for a toy or playing with his/her feet. I'm sure your child was expressing what he/she liked or disliked. 
• By twelve months, your child was possibly pulling him/herself up or walking on own, copying sounds, feeding him/herself, and interacting with you more. Your child let you know they understand you by reaching out, giving you more eye contact, and gentle and sometimes not so gentle touches. 

What we gave our children at these times and more over the years is respect and the chance to grow by allowing them to push past boundaries. There has been many times my child/ren did something on their own that I thought was miraculous.  As parents, we respected the choices they made when they spit out their food because they didn't want more. We respected their space when they were trying to pull up or walk by stepping back and encouraging them. We respected our children's time by allowing them to sleep even though we wanted them awake to look at us, coo, and lie on our shoulders.

As teenagers, our children are still learning. They are still miraculously figuring out different aspects of their own lives. As parents, we should respect our children. I am not saying to give them their way. But just as we did by placing pillows on the side of the couch or bed just in case our baby rolled over when you stepped away, cupping our children's hand on the bottle and holding their fingers to show them they can do it on their own, stepping back just a little to allow your child to take steps; we can still facilitate respect in a way that encourages your child to mature and maintain a positive relationship. It is all in the way we communicate.

Names

I feel what I call my teenagers is very important in maintaining my relationship with them. When children are small they are pooh, boots, scooter, baby a, bink-bink, etc. As new parents, most of us may have taken a long time figuring out what to name our child and how to spell it. Many of us may have mixed names to create that very special name for that very special little one.

I have four children. Three I birthed and one I have permanent custody of. I love all my children. When I say their names it takes me back to the times when I created, blended, and borrowed names to create that perfect name for each and every individual child; only to look into their precious eyes and see a completely different name for them. As our children grow, they receive many different names from family members, friends, teachers, and enemies.

As teenagers children have to adjust to a whole new identity that has been created over the years. When you look into your teenagers eyes, if you are able to, reach into the depths of yourself and pull out a name that is thoughtful, sincere, and loving toward your teenager just as you did all those years before.